Never Simple, Never Easy
by E. Limberg
Summary: Stella becomes jealous when Mac starts dating a woman that is beneath him. She finally tells him how she feels but he insists that it would never work between them. Will they be able to remain friends or will Mac's choice separate them forever? MS
1. You Belong with Me

**Never Simple, Never Easy**

**Chapter 1: You Belong with Me**

_You're on the phone_

_With your girlfriend_

_She's upset_

_She's going off about_

_Something that you said_

_'Cause she doesn't get your humor_

_Like I do_

"Detective Bonasera?" the receptionist pokes her head into Stella's office. When the detective looks up, she continues. "I have a woman who would like to speak with Detective Taylor. Do you know when he'll be returning?"

"Um… he should be back in fifteen minutes or so. I can try to help her if she needs something."

"She said that she is… Detective Taylor's girlfriend."

"Oh…" Stella frowns, having not been aware that he was dating again. "Well, you can bring her to my office if you want, and she can just wait for him here."

"Okay."

Stella sets her pen down, wondering why Mac hadn't told her about his date. _I guess we're just not as close as we used to be,_ she thinks as the receptionist returns. She stands to greet the woman. "Hi, Stella Bonasera," she holds her hand out to the blond woman.

"_You're_ his partner?" his girlfriend blurts out, shocked.

Stella hesitates, not sure how to take the comment, "…Yes."

"Oh… so where is Mac?" she says, not bothering to introduce herself.

"Out. On a case."

"He'll be back soon?"

"As long as traffic isn't too bad."

The blond woman looks curiously through the glass walls of the lab, perhaps checking to see if there were any other threats to her there, "So what do you guys do here? Just look at microscopic things all day and hope they lead you to the bad guy?"

"Not really… Haven't you and Mac talked about this?" Stella answers, wondering what on earth had attracted Mac to this woman.

"Not really. We mostly talk about me. He's such a gentleman, you know; he doesn't mind listening to me talk."

"How long have you two been dating?"

"Tomorrow's our five month anniversary," the blond woman turns back to the detective. "How long have you and Mac been working together?"

"Thirteen years."

"Wow… And you've never, like, slept together or anything?"

_I'm in the room_

_It's a typical Tuesday night_

_I'm listening to the kind of music_

_She doesn't like_

_She'll never know your story_

_Like I do_

"…No…" Stella slowly says; this woman apparently didn't understand them. "What exactly do you do for a living?"

"I'm a dancer."

_A dancer, Mac? You can do better than her,_ Stella thinks to herself, wondering what kind of dancer. "What kind of dancing do you do?" she finally asks, seeing that the woman was not going to elaborate but not sure that she wanted to know. _Surely Mac wouldn't date a prostitute…_

"All different kinds. I haven't been in any major productions yet, but I'm sure it'll happen soon. And I sometimes give lessons at a studio down the street from my apartment."

"Oh… I used to dance when I was little."

"That's interesting," she says, though she clearly did not find it interesting at all. She turns around to check the halls again and sees Mac stepping off the elevator. "He's back," she exits the office, and Stella follows her after a moment.

"Hey," Mac smiles when he sees his girlfriend. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see if you wanted to go to dinner tonight since rehearsal was cancelled."

"That sounds great. I'll pick you up around seven."

"Okay. So… how about a tour?" she asks, reluctant to leave.

"Why don't you go to my office over there and wait while I do a few things?" he says.

After she is gone, Stella steps forward to speak with him, a smirk on her face. "You're dating again?"

"I guess you met Amanda."

"Amanda? A dancer? Mac, what is wrong with you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"We're going to talk later, Mac. After work. Before you see her again. And just some advice… don't let her talk to anyone on your tour," Stella takes the evidence bags out of his hand as he stands there, perplexed by her words.

"Stella?" he calls after her, not understanding what she said, but she does not turn back.

_But she wears short skirts_

_I wear t-shirts_

_She's cheer captain_

_And I'm on the bleachers_

_Dreaming about the day_

_When you wake up and find_

_That what you're looking for_

_Has been here the whole time_

Danny enters the layout room where Stella is processing the evidence that Mac had brought in. "Have you seen Mac's girlfriend?" he smirks.

"Sadly I have," Stella looks up at him.

"I think she might be worse than all the girls that I have dated."

"All of them?"

"Yes. However, she might not be as bad as some of the girls Flack's been out with."

"I have no clue what he sees in her. It's obviously not her brains. She's pretty but not that good looking, although I've never known Mac to pick a woman based solely on her looks."

"How long have they been dating?" Danny asks, pulling on a pair of gloves to help her.

"She said five months."

"He's put up with her for that long?"

"I know. I could barely stand to spend fifteen minutes with her."

"Maybe you need to knock some sense into him, Stella. I mean, he's more likely to listen to you; if I go in there and tell him his girlfriend's an idiot, he'd fire me."

She smiles, "I told him we have to talk."

"Hey, Lindsay wanted me to tell you that Lucy took her first step yesterday."

"Really? Isn't she a little young to be walking?"

"Oh, I think it'll be a while before she's actually going somewhere. And Lindsay said that babies walk at different times, but she is on the earlier end."

"Well, congratulations, Danny. You know, if you ever want me to babysit so you two can have some alone time, I'm willing to watch her."

"Thanks. We might take you up on that offer," Danny says, turning back to work momentarily. "Stella, I think you and Mac should have kids."

"What?" she stares at him.

"You and Mac are so intelligent; you could have genius kids that skip a bunch of grades and make a difference in the world. And maybe they'd be walking at six months and talking at a year."

"Danny, Mac and I are just friends. We're not even that close anymore. Besides, he's got a girlfriend, albeit one that probably has an IQ below a hundred," Stella looks out the glass wall as the two pass by.

_If you could see_

_That I'm the one_

_Who understands you_

_Been here all along_

_So why can't you see_

_You belong with me_

_You belong with me_

Mac knocks on Stella's office door before entering. "You wanted to talk to me."

She looks away from her computer screen, "Yeah. How did you find Amanda?"

"She bumped into me at the coffee shop one morning and spilled her coffee all over me. And then she gave me her number."

"And why exactly are you still with her?"

"Because she makes me happy. And we have a lot in common."

"Really? You have a successful and acceptable career, manners, and a brain. And she has… no brain, no manners, and no job."

"She's a dancer, Stella. She doesn't make much money from it, but she loves doing it. Like I love being a cop."

"Can she count any higher than eight, Mac?"

He frowns, "Stella, don't do this."

"Do what, Mac? What do you see in her?"

"I don't have to listen to you if all you're going to do is insult my girlfriend."

"She's a moron, Mac. You can do so much better than her."

"You're just jealous," he turns toward the door.

"Of what? And she's the jealous one; she was astounded that I was your partner."

"She has no reason to be jealous of you; she knows I love her."

"Are you on drugs, Mac? Because the Mac Taylor that I know and that I was friends with wouldn't be caught dead dating someone like Amanda."

"People change, Stella. Maybe you should open up and try to find someone that will make you happy too."

Stella hesitates before speaking again, angry at him for comment on her lack of a love life. "Do you really think that Claire would approve of Amanda as a replacement for her if she were still alive?"

"It doesn't matter what Claire thinks; she's gone. And it doesn't matter what you think or anyone else," Mac storms out of her office.

She watches him go, seriously worried about his mind. _Maybe one case too many got to him…_

_Walking the streets_

_With you and your worn out jeans_

_I can't help thinking_

_This is how it ought to be_

_Laughing on a park bench_

_Thinking to myself_

_Hey, isn't this easy?_

"Hey, Stella," Flack calls down the hallway. "I've got a big lead on the case. Can you give these to Mac for me?"

"Oh, we're, uh, not exactly speaking at the moment."

"Danny told me about his girlfriend," he hands the papers to her despite her protest and jogs to the elevator.

Stella sighs and turns toward his office. Mac waves her in before she gets a chance to knock. "Flack wanted me to give these to you. He had to run off on a lead."

"Thanks," the detective takes the paper. "Do you have a minute, Stella?"

"Sure," she says, hoping he didn't want to talk about his girlfriend again.

"I'd like your opinion on our case. Maybe you can shed some light on it, give us somewhere else to look because Hawkes and I are out of ideas."

"Okay," she takes the file from him and opens it.

Mac clears a spot on the corner of his desk, and she sits down. He stands next to her, their backs to the door, and helps to explain the scene to her. "We found her in her apartment, gunshot wound to the back of the head."

She listens as he explains, racking her brain for something the two might have missed or a connection that they had not made. "Did she have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he texted her right before the time of death but has a solid alibi for the three hours around the time. He has no idea who could have done this to her."

"What about at work? Have you talked to her coworkers?"

"Yeah, she wasn't particularly close to any of them. They didn't know of anyone who would have wanted to kill her."

She looks up from the files to ask him something else but immediately forgets what her question is when she realizes how close they are.

The door to his office opens, but the two don't notice. "What are you two doing?"

_And you've got a smile_

_That could light up this whole town_

_I haven't seen it in awhile_

_Since she brought you down_

_You say you're fine_

_I know you better than that_

_Hey, what are you doing_

_With a girl like that_

The two detectives spring apart from one another. Amanda crosses her arms, waiting for an explanation.

"We were just discussing a case," Stella finally says.

"Do you have to be that close to my boyfriend when you discuss your cases?"

"No, but we were both looking at the crime scene photos. Would you care to take a look?" Stella asks, smirking.

Amanda scrunches her nose up at the thought. Ignoring Stella, she turns to Mac. "I was wondering what you would like me to cook for dinner tonight to celebrate our anniversary."

"Um… It doesn't really matter to me, dear. Whatever you want to make is fine with me. Or we could always go out."

"No, I promised you that I'd cook."

Stella sets the file on Mac's desk, "I'll talk to you later, Mac." She exits the office, not wanting to be in the same room with Mac and his girlfriend.

Amanda moves closer to Mac, "So is that really all you were doing? Looking at a file?"

"Yes. What else would Stella and I be doing?"

"Oh, I don't know… She's an attractive woman, and you've known each other for thirteen years…"

"And?"

"You don't feel anything for her?"

"Yes, I care about her as a friend. Nothing more."

Amanda eyes him for a moment before returning to the topic of their anniversary. "I have something special for you tonight."

"Oh… I don't suppose you would give me a hint?"

"Absolutely not. You're a detective; isn't it your job to figure out what it is?"

Mac smiles, wondering why anyone could not like her. "I need a hint; I always get a hint at work as to who the bad guy is."

"Nope."

"Please?"

"No," she leans forward to kiss him. "Now, I'll see you at seven-thirty. Don't be late."

"I won't," he continues smiling as he watches her walk to the elevator.

_She wears high heels_

_I wear sneakers_

_She's cheer captain_

_I'm on the bleachers_

_Dreaming about the day_

_When you wake up and find_

_That what you're looking for_

_Has been here the whole time_

"Stella," Flack calls. "All of us are going to grab a drink later. Do you want to come with us?"

"Does 'all of us' include Mac?" she turns around to face the detective.

"No… he said he had plans. Are you two still fighting?"

"Maybe… I don't really know. He has to celebrate his five month anniversary with Amanda tonight; that's why he can't come."

"Sullivan's at seven?" he asks, ignoring her confusion with her relationship with Mac.

"Sure," Stella says, checking her watch to see how much time she had before she could leave.

When Stella arrives at the bar that evening, everyone is already seated at a booth in the back. Adam scoots over so she can slide in while Flack signals that waitress to bring another beer. They spend the next hour talking about work and drinking. Occasionally someone mentions Mac's girlfriend, but Stella remains silent in that part of the conversation.

One by one everyone leaves until only Danny, Lindsay, and Stella are left. "Do you want to head home? I want to talk to Stella for a few minutes," Lindsay whispers to her husband as the older detective is preoccupied with her beer bottle.

He nods, understanding, and slides out of the booth, "See you Monday, Stella."

"Night, Danny," she says, not realizing that the couple was separating.

"So what do you think about Mac dating?" Lindsay asks quietly.

Stella looks up at the younger female, "I don't mind him dating; I think it's good for him. But she's not his type, not what he needs."

"What is he doing with her?"

"I have no clue. He said they have a lot in common, but I… can't imagine what those things are."

"Do you need someone to help you get him to dump her?"

Stella shakes his head, "Not right now. But if he tries to marry her… we will definitely have to intervene. Hopefully he realizes that what he needs is right in front of him before he gets to that point."

_If you could see_

_That I'm the one_

_Who understands you_

_Been here all along_

_So why can't you see_

_You belong with me_

_Standing by and_

_Waiting at your backdoor_

_All this time_

_How could you not know_

_Baby_

_You belong with me_

_You belong with me_

"Did you just say what I think you did, Stella?" Lindsay asks, surprised that she had actually just admitted that she had feelings for Mac Taylor.

"I guess I did."

"Tell him."

"What good would that do? We'd just end up in the worst fight we've ever had."

"He loves you, Stella. He's just… Mac. He's too afraid to tell you how he feels."

"And how do you know what Mac feels?"

Lindsay smirks, "Danny followed me to Montana because he loved me; Mac followed you to Greece – that's pretty far for someone who's just your friend."

The older detective sighs, looking back down at her beer bottle. "It's different for me and Mac; we can't have a relationship."

"Because of the department or because you're friends?"

"Both. Sinclair would fire us if he found out, and if this relationship didn't work out, I'd lose my best friend."

"Or you could have a wonderful life with the man you love and who will always return your love instead of missing the biggest opportunity in your life."

"Maybe it would be the biggest mistake of my life."

"You won't know unless you try it," Lindsay smiles. "You know, when I first came here I thought the two of you were dating. Danny thought I was nuts when I asked him. But I could really see a connection between the two of you. You two are closer than every other pair of friends that I've seen; you're closer than most of the married couples that I've seen."

"I don't think we're as close as you think we are. I didn't even know Mac had a girlfriend until she showed up at the lab the other day."

"Are you really willing to let him waste time with the dumb blond that he's with when the two of you could be together?" Lindsay asks. When Stella doesn't answer, she stands up and puts her coat on. "I should be getting home. Don't drink too much," she gives Stella a small smile before leaving.

_Oh, I remember_

_You driving to my house_

_In the middle of the night_

_I'm the one who makes you laugh_

_When you know you're about to cry_

_And I know your favorite songs_

_And you tell me about your dreams_

_Think I know where you belong_

_Think I know it's with me_

Stella wakes up to persistent knocking on her door. She slowly gets out of bed and pulls on her robe before going to the door, wondering who on earth would be at the door early on a Saturday morning. She doesn't even check who it is before opening the door.

"Did I wake you?" Mac asks upon seeing her.

"Kind of," she turns to check the time and finds that it is after nine o'clock.

"Sorry," he mumbles, looking down at his feet. "I, uh, brought you breakfast," he holds up a bag and a cup of coffee.

"Since you brought breakfast, I guess I'll let you in," she moves out of the way. As soon as she has closed the door behind him, she turns around, "Why aren't you with Amanda?"

He looks down at his feet again, "We had a fight. I was fifteen minutes late because I was trying to finish processing the vic's clothes again and then traffic was bad on the way to her apartment."

"Oh… I'm sorry that it's over."

"No you're not," Mac says, looking back up at her face again. "You didn't like her."

"You did."

"You were right about her. We didn't have anything meaningful in common, and she wasn't my type."

"Told you so," she smirks and holds her hand out to take the coffee from him. As she takes a sip, she turns to the kitchen, and he follows her. She watches him get two plates out of her cupboard and bring them to the table where she is seated. "So why did you come here?"

"I don't really know… I guess I thought you should be the first to know since I never really told you that I had a girlfriend," Mac puts her jelly-filled doughnut on a plate and hands it to her before getting himself one.

"Is this your idea of comfort food?"

"No," he eyes her for a moment. "Cops are supposed to like doughnuts."

_Can't you see_

_That I'm the one_

_Who understands you_

_Been here all along_

_So why can't you see_

_You belong with me_

_Standing by and_

_Waiting at your backdoor_

_All this time_

_How could you not know_

_Baby_

_You belong with me_

_You belong with me_

"So have you been seeing anyone?" he asks her.

"I don't see why I should tell you when you don't tell me about your dates. But… no, I haven't."

"Stella, you can't run background checks on every guy that asks you out; you'll never find someone that way."

"Maybe I'm just not interested in them."

"If you're not willing to even give these guys a chance, you must have someone in mind that you'd like…"

"So what if I do; he couldn't possibly feel the same way."

"Who is he?"

"Why are we talking about my love life?" she sets her doughnut down and takes a sip of coffee. "Can't we talk about something other than how pathetic we are?"

"I suppose we could."

"What are you doing today?"

"Oh, nothing much. I was going to go to the gym later. And probably go in to do paperwork. You?"

"Grocery shopping. So thanks for sparing me from Cheerios for breakfast for the fifth day in a row."

"The annual department dinner party is coming up in a few weeks," Mac says.

"I suppose I should go shopping for a dress for that soon. I wonder if Lindsay has gone shopping for a dress yet…"

"I thought maybe you'd like to go together as friends since neither of us has a date yet," he asks, looking at his feet again.

"Yeah, that'd be nice, Mac. Better than having to find some random guy to go with or going alone and having to dance with every other single police officer there," she smiles, hoping that this invitation could lead to more in their relationship.

"So… I guess I should leave you so you can go shopping."

She opens her mouth to tell him that he didn't have to go, that they could do something together if he wanted, but doesn't, deciding not to push him too far. "Yeah…" They walk to the door together. "I really am sorry that you and Amanda broke up. She seemed like a nice girl; she just wasn't your type."

He gives her a small smile, "See you later, Stel."

_Have you ever thought_

_Just maybe_

_You belong with me_

_You belong with me_

**A/N: All four songs used in this story belong to Taylor Swift. I'm not quite sure how I came up with this idea; I think I was listening to her CD and thought a few of the songs applied to Mac and Stella so I combined them to make a story. I think I wrote this back in like February or something and just never got around to posting it. And I really don't think Mac would date a girl like Amanda; I just used her because she's the exact opposite of what Mac needs, to show that Stella is what he should have. Anyway... happily ever after is still a ways off for the two even without Amanda in the picture. Thanks for reading and feel free to leave your comments.**


	2. Breathe

**Chapter 2: Breathe**

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away_

_'Cause none of us thought it was going to end that way_

_People are people_

_And sometimes we change our minds_

_But it's killing me to see you go after all this time_

Stella smiles at Mac before she leaves his office, returning to the lab to help Lindsay finish processing the evidence in the murder from that morning. "Sorry, Mac just needed me to sign off on some files," she apologizes.

"I pulled a print off of the victim's purse. Can you start running it through AFIS?"

"Sure," Stella places the lift in the scanner and turns to face her fellow CSI. "How's Lucy doing with her walking?"

"Okay. She can take about five steps before falling when she's not holding on to anything."

"I guess I'll really have to not let her out of my sight next time I watch her."

"So how are things with Mac?"

"I… never told him."

"Stella," Lindsay frowns at her friend. "Why not?"

"I don't know," she shrugs. "I just haven't found the right time to do it."

"So who are you going to the dinner with tomorrow?"

"Mac."

"But you said…"

"He asked me to go with him. Just as friends. You know, since we're both dateless. And then we don't have deal with all the other single people that are looking for a date at the party."

"I guess that's a start."

"Yeah… but the only reason he asked was because he and Amanda had just broken up, and I said I had better start looking for a date."

"You should tell him tomorrow," Lindsay looks at her friend. "After the party so you've both had something to drink."

"And how exactly do you propose I go about this… confession?"

"Sit him down on the couch and just say it."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. Just tell him the truth, about how you've felt this way about him for a long time and his friendship means the world to you and stuff."

"Why do you have to make it sound like the easiest thing in the world?"

"Because love shouldn't be that hard, especially when the two people love each other but refuse to tell each other so."

Stella looks at Lindsay, "Somehow I don't think you should be the one talking about how easy love is."

_Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie_

_It's the kind of ending you don't really want to see_

_'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down_

_Now I don't know what to be without you around_

Mac knocks on Stella's door and patiently waits for her to answer it. Seconds later he smiles as the door swings open, "Hey."

"Hi, Mac. You looks handsome in your tux," she smiles back.

He blushes, "Thanks. And you look amazing in that dress."

Stella looks down at herself, trying to hide her embarrassment, "We don't have to do this awkward date stuff, Mac. We agreed to go as friends."

"I know. But you do look beautiful, Stella. I, uh, brought you some flowers," he holds out a bouquet of pink roses.

"Thank you, Mac. You really didn't have to," she accepts the bouquet. "Do you mind if I go put them in a vase quickly?"

"Take your time," he says, not too fond of parties even though he actually had a date for this one. He follows her into the kitchen and watches her pull a vase from the cupboard.

She fills it with water before putting the roses into it. "Perfect."

"So… you'd really rather dance with me than with all those other available guys?"

"Of course," she answers, then realizes she might have responded a little too quickly. "Most of them are nice and all but they don't know everything that's happened to me. They sometimes take advantage of having me as a dance partner even though it's only for one song, and it can get uncomfortable. But you know where the line is, and you're always a gentleman. That was one thing Amanda was right about."

"She said that?"

"Yes. And it's true. Why else do you think all these women are attracted to you?"

He smirks, "I thought it was because of my handsomeness."

"Well, I'm sure they like that too. We should probably be going, or the guys will start to wonder where we are."

Mac offers her a hand, "Ready?"

"Yep," she takes it, and they walk out the door.

_And we know it's never simple_

_Never easy_

_Never a clean break, no one here to save me_

_You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

Mac and Stella dance together for the first two songs before Hawkes taps Mac on the shoulder, "Can I cut in?"

"Sure," the boss says, dropping his hands from Stella. "I'll see you in a few songs."

After dancing with Sheldon, Don, and Adam, Stella returns to her date. "Did anyone else ask you to dance?"

"No. I, uh, think it's the guy's job to ask, Stella," he hands her a glass of champagne. "So I take it those three were not the guys you were talking about earlier?"

"The immature ones? No, they know how to keep their hands to themselves."

"Are you sure about that? I'm pretty sure they all had their hands on you."

"You know what I mean, Mac."

The two detectives sit quietly for a few songs, watching the other officers dance. Eventually Mac holds his hand out to her, figuring that he should probably dance with Stella before someone else asked her. As they make their way to the dance floor, the song changes into a slow, romantic song. "Do you still want to dance?" he asks, looking over at her.

"Yeah, this is fine. And maybe the other guys will see us and keep their hands off me for the rest of the night," she places her hands on his shoulders. He rests his hands on her waist, and they slowly start to spin.

"Stel," he begins a few minutes later, "I'm glad that you agreed to come with me. I think this is the only department party I've enjoyed since Claire passed away."

"It's nothing, Mac," she smiles. "I, uh… Can we talk when we get back to my place?"

"Sure. It's not something bad, is it?"

"No. No, everything's okay. I just want to talk to you… about us."

"Okay," Mac gives her a small smile, but his worry is not pacified much by her words.

_And I can't_

_Breathe_

_Without you_

_But I have to_

_Breathe_

_Without you_

_But I have to_

Stella opens her apartment door, "Do you want something to drink?"

"Sure," he says, following her into the kitchen. While she opens a bottle of wine, he finds two glasses. "I had fun tonight, Stel. Much more fun than I would have if we hadn't gone together."

"Me too," she smiles, handing him a glass.

"I thought I saw Sinclair and the commissioner staring at us as we walked by them to get to our table. They were probably a little surprised that we came together."

"Yeah… But let's not worry about what they thought it was. We both know we went as friends."

"Actually, I'm kind of surprised the guys didn't say anything about it. Maybe they were afraid that they'd be fired if they commented about us."

"Maybe… but I told Lindsay the other day that we were going together so she probably told the whole lab about it, probably even told them not to say anything about it."

"Why would she do that?"

"Tell everyone about it? Because it would get out soon enough. And she probably wanted to make sure nobody thought it was more than what it was."

"I meant why would she defend us?"

"Because she knows we're both professional people and don't really have much of a social life, and she didn't want them to discourage us for actually making an effort, albeit with someone we work with."

Mac takes a sip of wine as he sits down on the couch, "I guess that was nice of her."

"I'm sure it wasn't much since you stood up against Sinclair when they wanted to get married," Stella also sits down on the couch, careful not to sit too close to her partner.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"Uh… I really don't know how to say this, Mac. I've really appreciated your friendship over the past thirteen years. I've never been so close to anyone in my life. And… over the past few years, I've come to realize that my feelings for have changed," she pauses to take a deep breath. "I love you, Mac."

_Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt_

_Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve_

_But people are people_

_And sometimes it doesn't work out_

_Nothing we say is going to save us from the fall out_

Mac's eyes break contact with Stella's at her words. She watches him for a few seconds before turning away, knowing that she had forever ruined their friendship. "I… Mac, I…" she struggles to find something to say to make it better.

"We can't do this, Stella," he whispers, looking down into his wine glass.

"Why not?" she asks, equally as quiet.

"We work together. I'm your boss."

"Technically, yes. But we both know that we share the responsibility for the team. You've only pulled rank on me, what… four times during our partnership; and we both know you didn't have a choice in the matter."

"And you're still a subordinate, Stel. They'll think I treat you differently if we're in a relationship, that I let you get away with things that others would be punished for."

"You already do that, Mac. Had anyone else gone behind your back and kept investigating a case he was pulled off of he would have been fired."

He sighs, "Sinclair and the commissioner would never allow it."

"They can't do anything about it, Mac. There's no rule against it."

"You know as well as I do what we had to go through for Danny and Lindsay to get married. It'd be a hundred times worse for us."

"We could convince them if we really wanted to; we're both stubborn people."

"What would the media say about us? Do you realize how bad that could get if we had an internal affairs investigation?" he protests.

"Since when do you care what the media says?"

"I don't want my name or your name to be ruined."

She looks at him again, "We can be professional about a relationship, Mac. It won't interfere in our work."

"Yes, it will. We are not going to be able to work together when we're in the middle of an argument; we can't even work together now when we have an argument."

"So? We can work different cases until it's settled."

_And we know it's never simple_

_Never easy_

_Never a clean break, no one here to save me_

_You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

"What happens when one of us gets hurt on the job? Even the most professional people can't remain indifferent when someone they care about is hurt."

"Being in a relationship doesn't change me caring about you; I've cared about you since the first day we worked together. My reaction would be the same tomorrow if you got shot as it would have been yesterday; it makes no differences if we're in a relationship."

"That's different: you didn't suddenly decide you loved me today."

"No. My reaction would have been different up until a few years before Claire passed away. I didn't love until a few years ago but I still cared deeply about you then because we were close friends."

Mac studies his wine again, "Maybe you'd have an even worse reaction if we start to date because you'd be even more attached to me."

"Maybe… but I still think that it'd be pretty bad if something were to happen to you now."

"Seriously, Stella. What if something does happen to one of us?"

"If something does happen, it would've happened whether we were dating or not."

"What if our relationship interferes with our work and we start to become less careful at scenes? If something were to happen to you because I forgot to follow protocol, I'd never stop feeling guilty."

"Mac, we're already too close for our own good," Stella whispers. "I'd be devastated if something were to happen to you; I don't even know if I'd be able to come back to work."

"If we're too close, we should end our friendship," he suggests, realizing himself how attached he had become to her.

"No," she shakes her head, her curls swinging around her. "I can't lose you, Mac. I need you as a friend, not just my boss."

_And I can't_

_Breathe_

_Without you_

_But I have to_

_Breathe_

_Without you_

_But I have to_

"We're friends, Stella; we can't date."

"And why can't friends date?"

"Because… they just shouldn't. Were you and Frankie friends before you started dating?"

"No… but I bet if I had taken the time to get to know him it would've have ended the way it did; it may not have even happened. Weren't you and Claire friends?"

"Not before we started dating. Our friendship grew as our relationship did."

"I think that being friends first could make our relationship stronger."

"Or being in a relationship could just strain our friendship, which we already put enough strain on at times anyway."

"Why are you being so cynical about this, Mac? Don't you even want to attempt to make this work?" Stella asks.

"What happens when we break up?"

"How do you know we're going to break up?"

"When has happily-ever-after happened for either of us?"

"With that attitude, we don't even have a chance."

"You didn't answer the question," he frowns.

"Never, Mac. Neither one of us has had a happy life. So maybe this is our chance," she struggles to keep from shouting.

"What happens when we break up?" Mac repeats.

"Then it's over, and I guess it wasn't meant to be."

"People are never 'just friends' when they break up; when it's over, it's over. If it doesn't work out, it would cost us our friendship, and you already said you didn't want to lose that."

"I'm willing to take that risk, Mac."

"And I'm not. What will happen at work if we break up? How would we resolve that argument in order to remain professional?" he counters, knowing that neither one of them wanted to give up their job.

"I guess one of us would have to quit. And you know what? I would quit for you, Mac. If you were willing to try this, I would quit for you if it didn't work out. I'd even quit for you so that work would not be an issue if it would make you willing to try this."

_It's two a.m._

_Feeling like I just lost a friend_

_Hope you know it's not easy_

_Easy for me_

Mac pauses upon hearing her offer. He knew that Stella loved her job and would never quit. In order for her to offer to do so so that they could start a relationship without any guarantee of it working out, she had to really love him. "Stel…"

She sits on the opposite end of the couch, refusing to look at him as she tries to keep her tears from falling. Obviously Lindsay had been wrong about Mac's feelings for her if he was not even willing to try to start a relationship with her. "Mac…"

"Don't give up your job for me, Stella. I'm not worth it. A relationship with me is not worth it."

"Why not?"

"You love your job, Stella. It's who you are. Don't waste that on me when it could never work between us."

"Damn it, Mac. Why do you have to be so damn stubborn all the time?" she shouts, unable to control her temper now.

"You deserve better than me. Don't waste what you've built for yourself on me. Don't even waste your time on me. I don't even deserve to have someone like you as a friend."

"Why?" she quietly asks, not sure what was wrong with Mac.

"I'm done with love, Stella. When I lost Claire, I lost everything. I wanted so much to just die so that I could be with her. But you kept me here; you kept me from doing something that I would regret. And ever since Claire, love just hasn't been the same."

"Mac, I don't want anyone else. All I want is you."

Mac shakes his head, repeating his response to her confession again. "We can't do this, Stella. We can't be together."

Stella finally turns back to face him, letting a tear roll down her cheek. "You don't have to keep making excuses, Mac; if you don't love me, just tell me."

_It's two a.m._

_Feeling like I just lost a friend_

_Hope you know this ain't easy_

_Easy for me_

Mac remains silent, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

"I guess that's my answer," she says, wiping her eyes with her hands.

He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment, "It's not like that, Stella."

"Stop it, Mac," she snaps before he gets a chance to explain. "I don't want to hear it. Just… just go."

"We can't be together," he repeats again, trying to make her see. "We can't…"

"If we really wanted to, we could make it work. But you obviously don't want that so… just leave me alone, Mac."

He sits, looking blankly across the room as he thinks. Is it better for her to think he didn't love her or to tell her that he did love her but they still couldn't be together? Out of the corner of his eye he sees her wiping the tears from her cheeks again, and he cannot bring himself to turn to her and tell her that he loves her but that they could not be more than friends.

"How could I be so stupid?" she mutters. "I shouldn't have said anything; I should have known that you didn't feel the same way about me. And how could you?"

"Stella, this isn't your fault. We're just… in terrible situation. But we'll get through it eventually."

"No, we won't, Mac. I ruined it; we could have just kept being friends but I had to go and ruin it."

"We can still be friends, Stel," he gently tells her.

"No. You said it yourself: we're too close. And now that you know how I feel, it's going to be too awkward to be friends."

"We can be friends again," he insists, afraid of losing her. "I still want to be your friend. We will get through the awkwardness; we can even pretend that this night never happened."

"No, Mac. We can't. It will always be there despite our attempts to forget it," she stands up, refusing to look at him. "I really think you should go."

He too stands, and they walk to the door. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

_And we know it's never simple_

_Never easy_

_Never a clean break, no one here to save me_

Stella closes the door behind Mac, refusing to watch him walk out of her life. She leans against the door and slowly sinks down to the floor, letting the tears flow freely now that he was gone.

_Why was I stupid enough to think that he actually loved me too? He's my boss, my best friend. God, why did I have to fall for him? _she thinks, not bothering to wipe away the tears.

Her body shakes as she cries, realizing that she had just destroyed their friendship forever. Thirteen years together ruined in one night. _Why did I listen to Lindsay? Why did I have to tell him that I love him? Why did I think that we could ever be happy together? Why did I think that I deserved a happily-ever-after?_

After ten minutes of sitting there, she settles down a little. She stands, making her way into the living room. Upon seeing her half-empty glass of wine, she downs the rest of it. Then, spotting his on the table, she drinks the rest of his wine, not caring that his mouth had touched the glass as she tries to numb herself.

In search of more wine, she goes to the kitchen. His final words before leaving come back to her as she takes a sip: "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." _Oh, God. How are we going to work together tomorrow? Everyone is going to know that something happened between us._

Stella sets the bottle down, deciding it best not to go to work with a hangover the next morning because facing Mac would be bad enough. The tears return as she begins to dread seeing him for the first time in her life; she was normally so eager to see Mac, but everything had changed with three words.

_I can't_

_Breathe_

_Without you_

_But I have to_

_Breathe_

_Without you_

_But I have to_

**A/N: Sorry, I've been busy with parties and stuff and kind of forgot to update. Anyway, there are two more chapters to this story. I appreciate your reviews. Thanks.**


	3. White Horse

**Chapter 3: White Horse**

_Say you're sorry_

_That face of an angel_

_Comes out just when you need it to_

_As I paced back and forth all this time_

_'Cause I honestly believed in you_

Stella opens her eyes as the doors to the elevator open, not ready to face her boss yet. Slowly she makes her way to her office, her eyes on the floor the entire journey so that she does not see him. Once she has removed her jacket, she sits down in her chair and turns her computer on. As the screen lights up, she checks the pile of folders on her desk and decides that not having caffeine that morning had been a terrible idea; she had avoided coffee earlier, believing that it would make her more nervous around Mac.

There is a knock on the door, and she reluctantly looks up, fearing that it would be Mac. Sheldon, however, enters her office, coffees for the whole team in hand and a smile on his face. "I thought we could all use a little energy boost this morning," he hands her a cup, which she gratefully takes, having dreaded the thought of break room coffee moments ago.

"Thank you so much, Sheldon," she takes a sip.

"My pleasure," he smiles again. "I have to deliver the rest of these so I'll see you at the meeting in a few minutes."

She watches him leave, glad that her first encounter with Mac since the previous evening would be in front of everyone, which meant they would not have a chance to talk to each other this morning unless he put them on the same case. She silently prays that he wouldn't do that to her.

After checking her email, Stella grabs her cup of coffee and heads to the break room for the meeting, pleased to see that she is the last one to arrive. As Mac talks about the three new cases for the morning, she leans against the counter.

"Hawkes and Danny, I want you two to take the girl shot in the alley. Lindsay and Stella, you can take the double murder on Fifth Avenue. Flack and I will work on the man in the park," Mac says as he hands the files to the respective investigators.

_Great, I don't have to work with Mac, but Lindsay is going to be asking a lot of questions, _Stella thinks as she leaves the room with the others.

_Holding on_

_The days drag on_

_Stupid girl_

_I should have known, I should have known_

"So…?" Lindsay prompts Stella as they pull out of the parking garage.

"Nothing happened."

"Nothing? You two wouldn't even look at each other this morning." Stella doesn't respond so Lindsay continues. "Did you two think that you'd be able to hide your relationship by not looking at each other? Because it was very obvious that something had changed."

"Something did change, Lindsay: our friendship is over. I ruined it."

"What?"

"You were wrong: he doesn't love me."

"Did he tell you that?" Lindsay stares at her coworker, forgetting to look at the road.

"Watch out," the older detective says, bracing herself for a crash.

Lindsay slams on the brakes, and the SUV stops inches away from the cab in front of them. "Whoa," she says. "You better start explaining so I don't get distracted by your evasiveness again."

"There's nothing else to say. And it'd probably only distract you more."

"Did he really come out and tell you that he didn't have feelings for you?"

"He didn't have to. He kept making excuses so he wouldn't have to say that."

"So that's it? You two are going to end over a decade of friendship because he's too cowardly to tell you how he feels?"

Stella looks out the window, "He doesn't want to be more than friends, and he thinks we're already too close for our own good."

"Stella, you know Mac better than anyone; you know that he doesn't like to express his feelings. Soon enough he'll realize that he really does want you, and you can be happy together then. Don't give up your friendship just yet."

"You don't know what he said last night; he was determined that we could never be together, that it would just lead to more pain. If he loves me, why would he be so resolute about never starting a relationship?"

Lindsay sighs, not sure what to tell her friend. She had been so sure that Mac loved Stella; their chemistry had been so obvious to her since her first day in the lab.

_I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale_

_I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet_

_Lead her up the stairwell_

_This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town_

_I was a dreamer before you went and let me down_

_Now it's too late for you_

_And your white horse to come around_

Stella knocks on his office door before entering. "Lindsay and I made an arrest; you just have to sign off on the paperwork."

He takes the folder from her, "I'll look through it and sign off."

"Thanks," she turns to leave.

"Stel… can we talk?" Mac asks quietly.

She closes her eyes for a moment, not really in the mood for another argument with Mac. "I don't really think we have anything to talk about," she says, her voice equally as quiet as his.

"This is already difficult, Stella; don't make it any harder."

"I'm not the one who made our relationship that way."

"Well I'm not the one who had to go around admitting my feelings and ruining everything," he counters, then realizes that he probably shouldn't have said that.

She whips around to face him, "What do you want from me, Mac?"

"I want to be friends again."

"It's all or nothing, Mac. I had to go and ruin our friendship by telling you how I feel so now you have to choose, Mac. We're either in a relationship or we're just coworkers. We can't be in the middle."

"Why not?"

Stella shakes her head at him, "Because we can't. We already had this discussion."

"Stel…" he sighs, looking down at the papers in front of him.

"You don't have to say it, Mac. I know what your choice is."

"You said that you didn't want to lose my friendship."

"I don't. But we don't have a choice."

"Why don't we? If we both want to be friends, then why can't we make it work?" he looks back up at her.

"Because I'm always going to love you. And you're always going to have that in the back of your head whenever we're together. And we're always going to be awkward around each other and think about what could have happened if things had been different and all that other stuff."

_Baby, I was naive_

_Got lost in your eyes_

_And never really had a chance_

_My mistake, I didn't know to be in love_

_You had to fight to have the upper hand_

Mac stands up and walks around his desk to stand next to her, "And that's not going to happen if we're not friends?"

"No, it's going to happen whether we're friends or not."

He silently debates telling her the truth as he looks into her eyes and sees her pain. "Stella… I want you to know that… that I really do value your friendship," he backs out at the last second. "I never realized how much you mean to me. And now we may never be friends again."

"Maybe it's for the best," she whispers, looking out at the lab. When her eyes land on him again, she speaks again. "But it's probably not. Mac… I am so sorry for this. I never should have said anything."

He wants to tell that it isn't her fault, that he does love her; he knows, however, that this could not save their friendship since they still couldn't be together. "Are we really going to end this?"

She nods slowly, "From now on we'll just be work friends, nothing more."

"You know, the few times I actually thought about how our friendship would end, I was sure it would either be when something happened to one of us or when we just got so angry at each other that we couldn't go on."

"We can argue if you'd rather it end that way."

"No. No, I don't want to do that. I'd rather it didn't end at all, but… I'd rather not have my last memory of us as friends be a bad one."

"It's going to be bad no matter how it ends."

Mac places his hand on her arm, "Why are we doing this?"

Stella closes her eyes, trying to hold back the tears. When she opens them, she leans forward and kisses his cheek, resting her hand on the opposite one. "You may be unemotional, Mac, but I am not," she whispers before walking out of the office.

_I had so many dreams_

_About you and me_

_Happy endings_

_Now I know_

"Bonasera," Stella grumbles, her eyes still closed.

"Stella, I need you to meet me at a scene," Mac tells her, giving her the address.

"Okay. I'll be there in twenty minutes," she yawns and hangs her phone up.

Things had definitely changed between them in the two weeks that had passed since their friendship ended. Mac would normally offer to pick her up on his way to the scene, but now he was making her drive herself, even when her apartment was on his way to the scene. And when they were friends, he'd bring her coffee to apologize for having to wake her up early; now he barely offered her a greeting when she arrived and hardly talked to her unless it was about the case. And he had stopped calling her Stel; it was always Stella now.

As she dresses, she wonders whether her words that evening had hurt him; she had called him callous, and he had definitely become even more indifferent since they had ended their friendship.

She desperately wants to blame the termination of their relationship on Lindsay; she had been the one to tell Stella to take the risk after all. But when Lindsay said she knew Mac loved her, she had really believed her; as she replayed some of their moments together in her head, it all made sense to her. There was no way he couldn't love her.

But he didn't. She thought even he would've admitted his feelings, despite his professional facade, when faced with the end of their friendship. And since he hadn't cracked, she was really starting to believe that he had never loved her at all. Sure, he cared about her, but he didn't love her. Not in the same way that he had loved Claire. She didn't need him to love her like he loved Claire, though; she would've been happy with just half of his love.

_I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale_

_I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet_

_Lead her up the stairwell_

_This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town_

_I was a dreamer before you went and let me down_

_Now it's too late for you_

_And your white horse to come around_

Mac stops taking pictures to watch Stella step out of her SUV. Normally when he saw her, he was instantly as ease; now, however, he was tense and cautious, having to make sure that he didn't accidentally do something that he used to do when they were friends that would be inappropriate now that they were just coworkers.

"What do we have?" she asks, opening her kit and pulling on a pair of latex gloves.

"Stab wound to the chest, most likely punctured the heart, causing him to bleed out. I've got the body so you have the rest of the alley, including the dumpster," he informs her, no hint of a smirk on his face; he knows she hates dumpster duty.

"Okay," she answers, offering no protest. Before she would argue with him about going in the dumpster until it could be put off no longer; and most of the time he would let her flip a coin or something of the sort to determine who had to go in the dumpster. "Do we have an ID on the victim?"

"No wallet in his pocket; killer might have tossed it in the dumpster. If not, hopefully Sid can give us something to identify him with."

The detectives fall into silence as they both process the scene. Eventually Stella changes into her coveralls and heads toward the dumpster. Mac follows her, "Are you sure you don't want me to do that?"

"No, I can do it. You're the boss."

"I don't mind, Stella."

She looks into his eyes, practically pleading with him to let her process the dumpster, something she had definitely never done before. "Don't do this, Mac," she says softly.

"I miss you, Stel," he whispers, his voice almost imperceptible.

"Don't," she repeats. "You made your choice."

"What if I've changed my mind?"

_And there you are on your knees_

_Begging for forgiveness, begging for me_

_Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry_

Stella takes a deep breath, trying to convince herself that she is doing the right thing. She looks back down at the paper on her desk, picks up her pen, and begins to write. The first few lines are simple enough: name, title, department, supervisor. All simple things that she could mindlessly write down.

Then she gets to the hard part: her reason for quitting. _I'm in love with my boss and told him so, but he doesn't love me. And now we've ended our friendship, and things are just so awkward. It's just better for one of us to leave, and it's all my fault so I should be the one to go_, she thinks. The situation was too complicated to put on paper. Besides, Mac would not be the only one looking at her resignation form.

After thinking for a few minutes, she finally comes up with a viable reason for leaving that wouldn't be questioned. Well, it wouldn't be questioned by anyone except Mac; he would know the truth, but there was nothing he could do to reveal her true reason that would not cause problems for him.

Stella signs the letter before setting her pen down. _I have to do this. I have to get away from him and move on with my life_, she tells herself. Lifting her head up, she looks down the hall to see if Mac is in his office. He is, to her dismay, in his office, his head bent over his desk.

Looking down at the paper again, she tells herself that she is doing the right thing for herself. Standing, she picks the form up and slowly walks towards Mac's office. She knocks quietly on the door, and he beckons her inside, barely glancing up from his paperwork.

Silently she hands him the sheet of paper in her hand. He looks at it for a moment before speaking. "What is this?"

_'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale_

_I'm going to find someone someday_

_Who might actually treat me well_

_This is a big world, that was a small town_

_There in my rearview mirror disappearing now_

_And it's too late for you and your white horse_

"My resignation."

"Why?"

"I can't do this anymore, Mac."

"Do what?"

"You, me, us. It's too complicated, and it's so hard for both of us. It's better to just end our relationship all together. We won't have to see each other anymore, and we can both move on."

"Don't quit."

"I don't have a choice, Mac. You don't want to have a romantic relationship, we can't be friends, and just being coworkers isn't working. It's best that I just go before it gets worse."

"I can't let you do this," Mac shakes his head. "You love your job."

"Someone has to do something before we both break into pieces. And you're not giving up your job. It's my fault so I should be the one to go."

"What are you going to do? Work in another part of the department?"

"No. I'm leaving the police department. I haven't really decided what I'm going to do yet."

"Stella, I'm not going to authorize this, especially when you don't have another job yet."

"Fine," she snatches the paper from him. "If you won't do it, Sinclair will."

"You don't have to do this, Stel."

"Yes, I do. I need to get away from here, from you."

As he looks into her eyes, he sees all of the pain he has caused her, and guilt washes over him. She was in pain because of him, and he could have easily put an end to it, given her what she wanted, what he also wanted but he couldn't let happen. But it was too late now; she was on the verge of shattering into a million pieces, and the least he could do was let her go, give her a chance to repair herself. He holds out his hand, "I'll sign it."

Once he has signed it, she speaks again. "I guess this is good bye, Mac."

He swallows a lump in his throat, not wanting to let her go. "Good bye, Stella," he says, not sure whether he should hug her or just shake her hand, keeping it professional. Instead he does nothing.

"Bye," she repeats softly before turning and leaving the lab for the last time.

_Now it's too late for you_

_And your white horse to catch me now_

Mac sits in his truck outside her apartment building. He wants to go in and talk to her, to tell her that he loves her too, to persuade her to start a relationship with him, to ask her to come back to the lab. He couldn't lose her, not like this, not at all.

Finally he gathers the courage to get out of the car and go inside, hoping that she won't be too angry with him for coming; he was, after all, coming with good news. She'd actually have to give him a chance to talk, though, in order to find this out.

His heart thudding faster than he ever remembers, he steps out of the elevator and covers the short distance down the hallway to her door. He raises his hand, hesitates, and then knocks three times. He waits for a full minute but hears no sound from inside. After knocking once more, he pulls his phone out and calls her. From outside her door, he can hear her phone ring. Stella does not answer, nor is there any movement inside the apartment. He tries her cell phone, but it goes straight to voicemail each time.

Contemplating how angry she would be if he used his key, he pulls it out and unlocks the door. He hopes she is just sleeping or bathing or something and that she hadn't done anything drastic. "Stella," Mac calls out, stepping inside. He searches the whole apartment, but his partner is not there.

Deciding that she had just gone out to clear her head, he takes one last look around the apartment. In the corner of the living room is a desk, on which sits a laptop and a printer. A sheet of paper is in the printer, and for some unknown reason, he crosses the room to look at it.

It takes him a few minutes to realize what it is: a flight reservation. He searches the page for more information; the plane left two hours ago from JFK and was headed for Athens. _Not again, Stella._

_Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa_

_Try and catch me now_

_Oh, it's too late_

_To catch me now_

**A/N: One more chapter to go. I'll try to remember to post it on Thursday. Thanks.**


	4. Fearless

**Chapter 4: Fearless**

_There's something about the way_

_The street looks when it's just rained_

_There's a glow off the pavement_

_You walk me to the car_

_And you know I want to ask you to dance right there_

_In the middle of the parking lot_

_Yeah_

"Adam," Mac says as he walks into the trace lab.

"Hey, boss," the lab tech pulls his headphones out. "I'm still analyzing the trace you gave me. It's going to be a little while."

"I need you to run a credit card for me."

"Oh… Okay," Adam goes to a free computer. "What's the name?"

"Stella."

"Our Stella? Why do you need to know what she's buying? Can't you just call her if you need to know something?"

Mac sighs, "She quit. She's not at home, and she won't answer her phone. And I found this in her apartment." He shows the lab tech the flight reservation.

"She went back to Greece? Is she going to come back?"

"I don't know. She still had a whole bunch of stuff in her apartment so I think she's going to come back, but I… it's my fault she ran off again."

"Here, she paid for a hotel room after she booked the flight," Adam points at the screen. "Are, uh… are you going to go after her again?"

"Yeah. Get me a ticket for the next plane flying to Athens," he says before heading to his office.

"Mac, have you seen Stella lately? I've got a huge lead on our case, and she'd probably be mad at me if I go without her, but I can't find her," Danny asks, stopping Mac in the hallway.

"She quit. Danny, I'm putting you in charge of the lab for the next few days."

"Okay… Are you going somewhere?"

"Greece."

"She left the country again?"

He nods, "I have to go bring her back. It's my fault that all this happened."

The younger detective puts a hand on his boss's shoulder, "Just tell her how you feel, Mac. Apologize for everything you've put her through. And definitely do not try to tell her that you can't be in a relationship because you know that that is just an excuse. You've already lost everything with her, so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing this."

_We're driving down the road_

_I wonder if you know_

_I'm trying so hard not to get caught up now_

_But you're just so cool_

_Run your hands through your hair_

_Absent mindedly making me want you_

Stella pushes the sheets off of her and sits up, her mind unable to stop working so that she can sleep. Mac had to have tried to contact her by now; he had to know that she was no longer in New York. In a way she wanted him to come after her. If he did follow her, it had to mean that he loved her, that he was willing to admit it, and that he wanted to be more than friends.

But she was also dreading the thought of seeing him again. She knew he wouldn't take the loss of their friendship well, that it would probably send him into a depression deeper than the one he fell into after Claire passed away. He would probably come after her just to keep from losing her, not because he really loved her. And she would be forced yet again to either deal with the pain he caused her or run away again and make his life miserable.

Sighing, she gets out of the bed, deciding that she should find something to eat if she wasn't going to sleep. She quickly showers and dresses in jeans and a green tank top. Before leaving the hotel room, she digs her cell phone out of her suitcase and turns it on to see how many messages he had left her. She has seven missed calls, six from Mac and one from Lindsay, but neither one had left her a message.

Stella grabs the key to her room and leaves, taking the elevator down to the lobby before she exits the hotel, stepping out into the mid-afternoon sunshine. She smiles, hoping to leave behind her troubles for at least a few hours so she could enjoy the scenery.

As she walks down the sidewalk in search of a decent restaurant, she hears someone shouting her name. "Stella," a familiar voice calls. Habitually she turns upon hearing her name to see who it is.

_And I don't know how it gets better than this_

_You take my hand and drag me head first_

_Fearless_

_And I don't know why but with you_

_I'd dance in a storm in my best dress_

_Fearless_

"Mac, what the hell are you doing here?" she asks, then realizes that she already knows the answer.

"What are _you_ doing here?" he counters.

"I asked you first," she resorts to the childish remark to put off their conversation.

"And I'm sure you can figure out the answer."

"You didn't have to come after me; I don't have any stolen documents with me this time."

"Stella, I came after you because I care about you," he begins.

She cuts him off before he can continue. "Yeah, that's what you said last time. But you obviously don't care enough. I really don't want to deal with you and your lack of emotions right now, Mac. Just go back to New York," Stella snaps, turning to walk away from him.

He grabs her wrist, keeping her from getting away from him. "I'm not leaving unless you're coming with me."

"You're going to be waiting a long time; I don't have any intentions of going back to New York soon, let alone with you."

"Stella, can you just listen to me for a minute?"

"No. Save your breath; I don't want to hear you say that we can't be together, but you still want to be friends," she turns to go again, but he refuses to let go of her wrist. She tries to pull away from him, but his grip tightens. "Let go of me, Mac Taylor."

"No. I want to talk to you. And preferably somewhere more private," he glances around at the people watching them.

"Fine, you have ten minutes. Start talking."

"Can we go up to your room so we can be alone?"

She frowns at him, "No."

"Do you really think I'd force myself on you?"

"I'm not paying your bail if you do," she says. When she heads back toward the hotel, he lets go of her wrist and follows her.

_So baby drive slow_

_'til we run out of road in this one horse town_

_I want to stay right here in this passenger's seat_

_You put your eyes on me_

_In this moment now capture it, remember it_

"Seven minutes," she reminds him, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

He stares at the ground for a few moments, trying to figure out where to begin. "Stella, I… I really do love you. I know it's probably difficult for you to believe after all I've put you through, but I do. I guess I was just too afraid to admit it; I didn't want to lose you if it didn't work out between us. And I felt that if we were to start something, I might lose you, that something would happen to you. I just didn't want to go through that again because… I don't think I'd make it through it if I didn't have you beside me."

Stella looks up at him. "Why did you lie to me?"

"I never said that I didn't love you; you just kind assumed that I didn't because I kept making excuses. And I never told you how I felt because I thought that it would just cause you more pain. I made up excuses so that I wouldn't have to tell you how I felt. But I really did believe that we couldn't be together, Stel, even if we did love each other. I didn't think that it was a good idea for us to have a relationship when I'm your boss, and I definitely did not think that we should be more than friends."

"And now is when you say that you still believe that we shouldn't date," she mumbles, looking away as she anticipates the pain.

"No, I don't think we should. But seeing that this viewpoint has ended both our friendship and our work relationship in addition to all of the pain that it has caused you… I think I can easily be persuaded to start a relationship with you."

Stella remains silent as she contemplates this.

_'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this_

_You take my hand and drag me head first_

_Fearless_

_And I don't know why but with you_

_I'd dance in a storm in my best dress_

_Fearless_

"If you can find it in your heart to forgive me," he adds when she doesn't speak. "And if you are still interested in a relationship."

"Mac… I don't want a relationship with someone who doesn't want to have a relationship with me."

"I do want this relationship."

"No, you don't. You said that you're against a relationship, but you're willing try to try it out before making any final judgments. I don't want to be some… tie that you're trying on at a store or a new piece of equipment at the lab."

"Stella, you're not –"

"I want you to go into this relationship wanting it, believing that things could actually work out for us."

"I do want this relationship," he repeats. "I love you, and I want to have a romantic relationship with you."

"Now you're just saying that."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are."

"I never said that I don't want this relationship, Stella. I said that I don't think it's a good idea, but I never said that I don't want to be more than friends."

"Same thing."

"How can I prove to you that I want this too?" he rests a hand on her cheek.

She turns her head, and his hand falls back to his side. "I don't know, Mac."

He sits beside her on the bed and sighs. "So where are we?"

"We are in Athens," she smirks before turning serious. "I don't have job anymore, and we can't figure out what we feel and what we want. We're actually speaking to each other and not yelling. So I'd say right now we're about an inch above rock bottom."

"And how long do you think it'll be before we figure this out?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"Well… can I take you out to lunch or dinner or whatever meal people are eating here at this time?" he asks.

"I suppose you can. But, uh… do you want to shower or sleep or anything?" she glances around the hotel room, wondering where he put his luggage. "Where's your suitcase?"

"About that… I guess I have to go shopping."

_Well, you stood there with me in the doorway_

_My hands shake_

_I'm not usually this way but_

_You pull me in and I'm a little more brave_

"Do you have any suggestions?" he asks, looking at the menu.

She opens her mouth, about to tell him that she was not going to help him figure out how to show her that he wanted this relationship too.

Mac continues before she can speak, "I have no clue where to begin."

Stella sets her menu down and slides out of her side of the booth to sit next to him. "What are you hungry for?"

"I don't know."

She smirks, "I guess you're always pretty indecisive."

"Just pick something for me. I can trust you to do that, right?"

"Maybe." When the waiter comes, she orders for both of them before they fall into silence.

"So… why did you come to Greece?" he questions, hoping that he was starting with an easy question.

"I don't really know. I just automatically typed Athens in when I was searching for a flight. I guess… it's home. Technically," she looks out the window. "I just needed to get away from New York, and when we came last year, we didn't really do much sightseeing."

"Did you ever think about looking for your father?"

"Not really. Obviously he wasn't still with my mother since he wasn't with us in New York. He might not even know that he has a daughter."

"Do you think that it's possible that… the professor…?"

She looks back at him, "Do you know something that I don't?"

"No."

"You didn't have Adam run his DNA against mine, did you?"

"No. I wouldn't do that unless you asked me to."

"I guess it's possible. But why wouldn't he tell me?" She sighs, "I guess he wouldn't have told me that; he didn't even tell me he knew my mother."

"Are you like an illegal alien or something since you weren't born in the United States and you haven't been naturalized?" he smiles, teasing her.

Stella frowns, "Hm… I never really thought about that. They must have… naturalized me at some point because I can still vote and stuff."

_It's the first kiss_

_It's flawless_

_Really something_

_It's fearless_

Their meals arrive, and they silently eat for a few minutes. "Stella?"

"Yeah?" she looks up at him.

"I need some direction here. I need to know what I have to do. I don't want to lose you."

"Right now I just want things to go back to normal between us. I hate not being able to talk to you and spend time with you. I just wish I could go back to that night and keep myself from saying anything."

"I am glad that you did say something, Stel. I just hope you will give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me."

She gives him a small smile, "I will. Just… not yet."

"Can we at least be friends in the meantime?" he holds a hand out to her.

She looks at his hand for a moment before taking it in hers. "I'd like that."

He slides his plate across the table toward her, "Do you want to try it since you picked it? It's delicious, whatever it is."

"Sure," Stella looks at him for a moment, wondering how he could so easily transition back into their normal routine. She slides her plate across the table.

"So what exactly does 'normal' mean, and does it include coming back to New York?"

"Of course I'm coming back to New York. Greece is nice, but New York is my real home. I just have to figure out what I can do with my life now since I'm no longer a detective."

"Well…" he smiles shyly, "no one has seen your letter of resignation but me. And maybe Danny if he's been snooping around in my desk. And I put you on leave before I left. So… you're welcome to come back to the lab if you want. It'll make things more normal…."

_'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this_

_You take my hand and drag me head first_

_Fearless_

_And I don't know why but with you_

_I'd dance in a storm in my best dress_

_Fearless_

Mac comes up next to her, looking at the view. "Are you sure you'd rather go back to New York?" He didn't want her to leave him, but he couldn't see how she could prefer the skyscrapers to this.

"Yeah… unless you'd be willing to move over here too. I could teach you Greek so you could communicate with everyone," she offers, smiling as she looks up at him.

"You know that I can't leave the US," he reminds her.

"Even for this?"

"You want to go sit down while we watch the sun set?" he places a hand on her back to guide her.

They make their way from the Temple of Poseidon, where all the other tourists were, to the more private ruins of a temple for Athena at Cape Sounion. She sits down on one of the steps, and he follows suit. "So how many more days do you think we can get away with before Sinclair will fire us?" she asks quietly.

"Probably not too many more, especially since we're both over here; he might get mad because we didn't tell him about us."

"There is no us."

"Yet. But he doesn't know that. You know… you could stay over here longer if you'd like. If you want to sightsee or search for more information on your family or… just take a break from me for a while."

"I think we're okay now though."

He remains silent, not wanting to push her. As the sun touches the horizon, he puts his arm around her, pulling her close to him. Surprisingly she doesn't pull away, telling him that she didn't want this yet and that it wasn't part of 'normal,' and she leans against him, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Mac…" she says but stops, deciding that she had no idea what she wanted to say to him.

"I love you, Stella," he whispers, kissing her forehead. "I just wish I had had the guts to tell you so I could have spared you the pain."

_'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this_

_You take my hand and drag me head first_

_Fearless_

_And I don't know why but with you_

_I'd dance in a storm in my best dress_

_Fearless_

A tear rolls down Stella's a cheek, and she lifts her head off of Mac's shoulder.

"Stel… did I do something wrong?" he asks, worried that he had pushed her too far and they would never be able to be together.

"No… no, it isn't your fault," she wipes away the tear and looks him in the eyes. "Mac… if the planes hadn't flown into the World Trade Center… you and I wouldn't be here right now. You and Claire would still be together, and I'd probably be with a jerk like Frankie."

"Hey," he whispers, "don't think like that. Obviously Claire and I weren't meant to spend forever together. That's why I have a second chance at love with you. I still love Claire and I miss her, but I'm grateful for this opportunity with you. I think that Claire would be supportive of us; she always liked you." Mac pulls her to her feet and embraces her as the sun sinks below the horizon.

After a few moments, she suddenly pulls away from him. "I'm so sorry, Mac. I really shouldn't have done this to you."

"Done what?" he asks, confused. Worry is visible on his face as he begins to think that she no longer wanted a relationship with him. "No, Stel, don't worry about this. I've already caused you enough pain; I deserve this. Just… promise that we'll go back to New York and try to be friends again."

"But I want to be more than your friend, Mac," she frowns, not sure what he is talking about.

"You're… not breaking up with me?"

"No… I'm sorry because I've been wasting our time together. I've been waiting for some kind of sign that I'm doing the right thing instead of just letting it happen and taking advantage of whatever time we have left together. We've both seen enough death to know that we shouldn't take what we have for granted."

"It's okay, Stel. I probably wouldn't trust me right away either if I was in your place," he takes her hand. "So about this whole not wasting any time thing…"

"No, Mac. We have to take things slowly, especially now that we know what will happen if things don't work out."

"But not too slowly, right?" Mac smirks.

"Are you up to something, Mac Taylor?" she smirks back. "Because you are definitely sleeping in your own room tonight."

"Well, I was just thinking…" he places his hands on her waist, "… that now would be the perfect time to do this."

Just as she is about to ask him what it was the perfect time for, his lips press against hers, and her eyes close as her arms wrap around his neck. He doesn't let the kiss last too long because he doesn't want to pressure her, although she seemed to be enjoying it.

Stella smiles reassuringly at him, "We are most definitely not going to take things too slowly, Mac."

_Yeah_

_I don't know how_

_Oh yeah_

**A/N: So this is it. And for once I don't think I have any other stories written at the moment. I've been kind of lazy. Actually, I've been reading Castle fanfiction, which I have found much more entertaining than writing stories myself. Plus I'll be starting college in the fall so who knows when I'll post anything again. Anyway, thanks for reading.**


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